


The After Show

by puppehgal



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Casual Sex, F/M, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Penetrative Sex, Pseudo-Skeletons, Terrible Sex Puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6658432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppehgal/pseuds/puppehgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Birthday present written for a friend of mine. Sans decides to give a human tourist a private stand-up routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The After Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



She wasn’t entirely sure how she ended up here, well, of course she remembered the sequence of events that had lead up to this - she’d decided to use her long weekend to treat herself by visiting the Underground, where a lot of the monster population still remained while various legalities were worked out. She’d booked a room at MTT Resort and decided to check out the local entertainment in the restaurant.

It had been some kind of comedy night, mostly monsters but with a few humans as well cracking jokes and telling anecdotes. It had been … nice, the crowd (mostly monsters) had been warm and kind. Where, with humans, there would be heckling when a line was fluffed or a joke fell flat, the crowd offered encouragement. She kinda wished that all comedy shows could be like that.

The best act, by far, had been a short, broad skeleton with a deep, throaty voice and a laconic attitude, his lazy exterior hiding a razor sharp wit and observational skills that she’d hardly ever seen before.

She’d always had a thing for voices, and the more he talked, the stronger his tone vibrated through her, and she found herself pressing her thighs together as the act went on.

When, later on, she’d found him propping up the bar, it seemed only natural to walk over and introduce herself, praising his act.

She’d told him her name, watching how the twin points of light that served as his pupils looked her up and down, “the name’s sans,” he’d purred.

She’d bought him a drink, then he’d bought her a drink and all the time kept on cracking jokes, sometimes she’d groaned, most of the time she laughed and a few times he’d had to slap her on the back and order her some water to stop her choking from her hysterics.

Sometimes she’d tell a joke, and he’d chuckle heartily, deep, throaty rumbles that shot right through her.

Last orders rang out and she’s pouted, “Awww, show’s over?”

His bony brows lowered, and he’d smirked, looking up up and down again with an almost predatory look that made her knees go weak, “didn’t you say you had a room here? why don’t we just skip to the after show?”

And now the skeleton was in her room, stripping off his jacket as he walked over to where she was sat, nervously, on the bed.

She watched the monster approach, and a lump appeared in her throat that she couldn’t swallow down, the bar had been dark and intimate, but in the much harsher light of her room she couldn’t ignore the differences between them, hadn’t he said he was a skeleton? Did he even have a dick? How the fuck was this going to work? He didn’t even have lips!

“what’s wrong, babe?” he’d placed his hands on her bare shoulders, rubbing them soothingly, the light in his eyes warm, “second thoughts?”

She wasn’t drunk, just tipsy, she tried to think of a delicate way to mention this, “Do you even have a dick?” was certainly not delicate.

His already large eye sockets shot even wider in surprise at her words, and she felt her cheeks grow hot, maybe she was drunker than she thought, “I-I’m sor-” she stuttered.

“You don’t think I’m a literal skeleton, do you?” Sans purred, his smirk growing smugger, his voice going straight to her pussy and making her tremble involuntarily, he trailed the sharp tips of his fingers down her arms, leaving goosebumps, “let me educate you.”

He withdrew his hands, making her almost whine at the loss of sensation, before gripping at the collar of his t-shirt and pulling it up over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him.

“see?” he rumbled, taking her hands and placing them on his chest, smirk almost insufferable.

She let her hands roam over his bare chest, biting at her lip was he watched her, his eyes hooded. Rather than the hollow rib cage she’d been expecting, it was almost a … carapace? The surface was warm and smooth, his ribs and breastbone were exposed and a startling, pristine white, between them a dark blue webbing, leathery in texture, that twitched at her touch. It was utterly alien and incredibly intriguing.

Her hands moved lower, where on a human he’d have a stomach, there was an empty space with just his exposed spine, more of this magical webbing spun between the disks. It was thicker than a humans spinal column, and must have been incredibly strong to support his torso.

His eyes fluttered closed as her fingertips dragged down towards the waist of his shorts, just where his body flared out for his hips.

His hand moved, catching hers before she could explore further, “hey, i showed you mine, now you show me yours,” he purred, his voice sending another jolt of pleasure through her, God, it was like melting butter.

She nodded, gulping, and he knew the effect he was having on her from his self-satisfied smirk as he watched her tug down the zip under the arm of her dress and then peel it off over her head.

“mmm, nice,” he growled, making her shiver in just her underwear.

“You like what you see?” She asked, leaning back to give him a better view, now that she knew he wasn’t just a bag of bones, her nerves were quickly melting away.

Sans stalked closer, standing between her legs, “hell yeah, but i still think i need a closer look,” he leaned in and his long, blue tongue snaked out from behind his teeth and licked over them.

Sensing what he wanted to do, she tilted her head back to give him more room. Sans leaned in and ran his tongue down her pulse point, it was hot and wet and made her gasp, his chuckle at her response reverberated through her. His mouth travelled lower and while he may not have had lips he more than made up for it with his tongue and teeth, leaving a wet trail of soft red marks down her neck and across her shoulders.

He pushed himself in closer, groaning deeply as his hands went around her chest, pulling her in closer as his trailed his tongue over the back of her shoulders and neck, the tips of his sharp, bone-like fingers scratching gently at her back.

“Mmmm,” she groaned and arched into him, squeezing his hips between her thighs, not noticing when his hands reached her bra clasp, “that’s good.”

He chuckled against the wet patch he’d just left on her shoulder,  bringing her out in goosebumps, “heh, and people say i’m all bark-”

She giggled as he moved away, then cut it off with a yelp when she realised her bra was slipping off too, he must have unfastened it while she was distracted, and so easily too.

The way he stood there, her purple, lace bra hanging from one fingertip, looking so pleased with himself, was one of the sexiest things she’d ever seen, “You little shit,” she chuckled, “you’re good.”

He dropped the bra onto the floor and half knelt between her legs, looking up at her with a kind of lazily lusty expression, “oh, i’m not just good, i’m the **breast** ,”

She laughed, “Are you fucking ser-ahhh!” He’d leant in and closed his teeth over one nipple, flicking the tip with his tongue. Her hands when to the back of his skull, holding him in place as she moaned, eyes drifting shut.

One hand held onto her waist, supporting her as she arched into him, the second tugged and pinched at her other nipple till it was hard before grazing lower, almost tickling over her belly before slipping under the elastic of her thong and gently pushing along her slit.

“Mmm-ahhh!” She bucked her hips forwards, into his hand, and loosened her grip on his skull. With a final, hard bite that made her yelp he dipped lower, leaving a trail of light nips down her belly, he took a moment to tongue her belly button, making her whimper in surprise at just how good that felt before urging her to lay back on the bed, pushing her legs wide.

She let out a deeply contented sound, she liked where this was going. Sans pressed the flat of his tongue against her core through the lace of her underwear and she groaned deeply at his teasing, he then flicked her with the tip, softly, teasingly, to the point where she almost couldn’t feel it.

After an eternity of this, her strained whines got through to him, he hooked his thumbs into the elastic and drew them swiftly and efficiently off her, giving her a chance to kick them off before returning to his post, “mmm, do love me a dinner date,” Sans purred, licking his lips.

She groaned and covered her face with her arm, “Well, at least you didn’t say about how much you liked to eat out.”

“pfffft, way too easy,” Sans laughed, lifting one of her legs over his shoulder and leaning in to press his tongue between her lips.

She let out a deep moan, hands gripping the sheets, as Sans lapped at her for a few moments before pushing her folds back so he could get easier access to her clit. He pressed his tongue firmly against the small nub as he slipped a bony finger inside her, and her breath caught in her throat.

“Y-you’re good,” she repeated, looking down to where she could just see the top of his skull between her thighs. He shrugged his pale shoulders, “anyone who knows me could tell you i’m a good eater, babe,” she felt the breath of his words brush against her core and she shuddered.

The pace the monster set was as languid as he was, slow, deep thrusts, adding a second finger once she was wet enough, trailing his tongue around her clit but only touching it with the flat occasionally. Sometimes he would move away a little and take the lips of her labia gently between his teeth and give the softest of tugs, making her squeal, the tender threat of what those teeth could do building her tension.

She gripped the edge of the bed with her knees, bracing herself to push her hips forward into his face, matching the movements of his fingers, “H-holy shit, this is amazing,” she groaned.

“mmm, you could almost say it’s **sans** -ational,” the monster  chuckled as his paused for a breath.

Her low chuckle rocked her whole body, “You really are something,” she told him.

Sans nipped her inner thigh, making her squeak, “you want me to finish you like this babe, or should we skip to the main event?”

“Mmm?” She considered, he certainly was a cunning linguist but, “I gotta admit, i’m curious to see what you’ve got in those shorts.”

He let out a groan that sounded more of a growl, and if she hadn’t been lying down it would have made her legs weak, “was hoping you’d say that, babe,” he stood up and tapped her knees, and she could see the obvious bulge in the front of his shorts.

At least he did have something there, “move up the bed, baby,” she did as she was asked, scooting back till her head was on the pillows, never taking her eyes off him.

Sans gave her an almost coy look as he tugged his shorts down and stepped out of them, before taking his cock in his hand and giving it a few strokes, showing it off, “well?”

His hips were laid out in a similar way to his chest, brilliant white exposed bone with the leathery, deep blue webbing between them to give them shape. His cock was thick and heavy in his hand, and as he ran his thumb over the top of it she could see gentle ridges that made her mouth go dry in anticipation. He didn’t have any balls that she could see, and the surface of it was a deep, almost black-blue, like the night sky.

It was, in short, one of the strangest and sexiest things she’d ever seen. If he knew how to use it … well, she was starting to understand why people said ‘once you’ve had monster, you never go back’, she crooked a finger at him, beaconing, a wide, thin smile on her face.

He watched her expression, crawling onto the bed and crawling up her, the light in his sockets was blazing now, bright like stars in the night. Sans started to nudge her legs apart to lay between them but she stopped him, “Wait!”

He immediately froze, looking up at her in concern, “what’s wrong? do you wanna st-”

“No! No! Christ, no!” She said quickly, “Fucking wild horses couldn’t keep me away,” he grinned widely at that, watching her as she snaked a hand between them.

Sans shuddered and let out a low moan as she ran her hand up his cock, thumbing the head, it was smooth, slick and those were certainly ridges. She leaned up and kissed his cheek, letting her mouth drift to where his ear would be, “I wanna see what you taste like before you get covered in my pussy-juice,” she growled.

Monsters, humans, seemed they all had the same reaction to being offered oral sex, with a  surprising speed considering how slowly he’d been moving beforehand he’d rolled to her side, onto his back, hands behind his head, “please, by all means try before you buy,” he chuckled.

She giggled too, shuffling down the bed and straddling his legs, she lowered her head and let her breath ghost over him for a moment, relishing the way he shivered, his eyes focused on her.

“oh … goooooooooood,” he groaned as she lapped at his tip, there was none of the bitterness she was used to with human men, though he did taste very salty, with a slightly sweet twist. It wasn’t all that unpleasant at all, she swirled her tongue over his head a few times, till he was instinctively bucking his hips gently into her mouth. She let him push himself further within, running her tongue down the underside.

“shiiiit,” Sans moaned as she bobbed her head, “you’re good, r-really fucking good,” she smiled around his cock, taking in as much as she could before pulling away to suck lightly on the very tip. She was rewarded with a yelp and a spurt of salty-sweet liquid in her mouth.

She felt Sans’ hand in her hair, “o-okay, i’m hornier than i thought … or you’re just that good, unless you wanna walk out before the grand finale you … might wanna stop that,”

She gave him a final lick before smirking up at him, “Didn’t think you’d be so **sans** -etive,”

“hey!” he gave her hair a gentle tug, “who’s the comic here?” he tapped his thigh-bone invitingly, “come on, you on top yeah? i wanna watch you fuck me,”

She bit her lip at his words, pressing her knees together, he drunk her in as she crawled up his body, moving his hands to rest on her hips, “you’re so fucking hot,” his voice was a deep rumble in his chest as he helped guide her into position, the tip of his cock brushing against her dripping entrance.

She sank onto him slowly, and they both groaned. She’d been right about the ridges, they were a fucking revelation! She rocked herself against his pelvis a few times, adjusting to having him inside her before starting to lift herself up and down, bracing her hands on his shoulders for leverage while his hands held her steady at her waist.

“Oh, fuck!” She groaned, arching towards him.

“th-that’s what we’re doing right now,” Sans chuckled.

“You … always such a wise-ass?” She asked, leaning down to press kisses across his brow.

“mmm?” He groaned, digging his heels into the mattress to give himself something to press against as he started to thrust back up into her as her movements became more generous, “dunno what y-your talking about? so, h-hey, what do toys and boobs have in common?”

She stopped moving and stared down at him, fully seated on his dick, “What?”

“both were originally designed for kids, but grown ass men end up playing with them,” Sans’ permanent grin grew even wider, “ what do you call a virgin laying on a water bed?” The monster lifted her up with a startling strength and slammed her back down on him, causing his punchline to be half moaned out, “a ch-cherry float!”

That actually got a laugh out of her, and Sans grit his teeth, letting out a strangled yelp, “Are you ok-” she started to ask.

“fuuuck yeah! oh fuck yeah, this is so fucking good-” his moaning was deep in his throat and chest, she could feel the bones in his shoulders vibrate from it, “what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?” She added a slight rotation to her hips so that when she pushed down on him those ridges rubbed against every slick surface within her, “hold ont’ your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job!”

Already giggly from before she let out a snort of laughter, choking back a groan as she felt herself clench around him tightly. He chuckled, even as his eyes shut and his face twisted into a grimace of carnal pleasure as he thrust into her tightly spasming cunt, “n-now you get it?”

She leaned over the monster, giving herself more room to push back as they matched their rhythms, “You’re terrible.”

“y’ mean a genius, uhh, what’s the difference b’tween light and hard?”

The bed was rocking hard enough that the headboard was slamming into the wall, “Dunno?”

“y’ can sleep with a light on.”

“Pfffft-haha!” She let out a full belly laugh, not bothering to try and hold it back, the vibrations rocked both their bodies. Sans’ neck strained against the pillows, and she huffed and groaned, “Fuuuuck, Sans … this is amazing.”

“mmm, I like hearing you say my n-name like that,” he tugged harder on her hips, “harder baby, wanna hear you scream.”

“C-close … hey. Hey I g-got one!” Behind the wall she almost swore she could hear someone yelling for them to keep the noise down, the lamp on the cabinet next to the bed was jumping a little every time the headboard hit the wall now, “Why’s sex like a game of bridge?”

“nggh .. dunno, why?” The light in Sans’ left eye was glowing a bright blue.

“You either … oooh, either need a good hand or a good p-partner!”

“a-ahaa!” His laughter caused his hips to slam hard enough into her to leave bruises, “mmm, gotta remember that one!”

“Fuck … fuuck,” she screwed her eyes tightly shut, “I’m close.”

“me-me too, mmm, o-okay,” his grip tightened on her hips, fingers digging into the flesh hard enough to break skin, “g-gotta have a .. a good one to f-finish … mmmm … okay,” Sans grinned up at her, the light from his eye bathing the whole room in blue light, “s-so … what’s hard and pink when it goes in and … uggh … soft and wet when it comes out?”

“S-seriously?” The heat was building between her legs, she was wrapped around him so tightly, those ridges rubbing up against every sweet spot within her.

“B-bubblegum, y’ - y’ fucking pervert!”

She threw her head back and roared with laughter, and he joined her as they both came hard. She couldn’t breath, waves of pleasure shot through her, electrifying. He gasped and moaned out her name as he lost himself inside her, teeth gritted.

She allowed herself to drape over him as the orgasm trailed off into a warm, golden glow, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as he trailed light nips down from her ear to her shoulder, “mmm, that was … fucking amazing,” he breathed.

“Heh,” she chuckled, running her fingertips down the side of his ribs, “I didn’t know … y’know, laughing could make it be like that,” she confessed.

She felt him shrug, “coughing can be pretty similar, but this is more fun,”

“Those jokes were terrible,”

“yep,” he opened his eyes, they were back to the usual white dots, “that’s why they worked.”

She chuckled weakly and then sighed, making to roll off him, his grip tightened on her, “hey, what’re you doing?”

“Well, show’s over, right?”

“pfft! don’t you know anything?” She found herself rolled over, pinned beneath the monster. He leaned down and ran his tongue across her lips and when he spoke, it was in a rumble that travelled all the way down her spine to her cunt, “we’ve still got the encore to go.”


End file.
